Shattered Destiny
by Josephine
Summary: Future, UC... Tess thought that Max loved her...


Title: Shattered Destiny  
Author: Josephine (tobyjo44@hotmail.com)  
Archive: My site... absolutely anywhere. Just send me the URL please.  
Fandom: Roswell (what ELSE do I write lately?)  
Pairing: Max and Tess in a strange way, and Max and Liz in an even stranger way.  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: The End of the World... That is the only episode (and one's before it) that are canon in  
this. A.k.a.- nothing happened after that except what I tell you.  
Notes/Summary: The plot bunnies attacked me way too many times in the past few days for me  
to completely ignore them, so I'm allowing this to be written. Although, eventually, it took me  
about two months!  
Disclaimer: Praise God I don't own Roswell... strange, strange things would happen. The song,  
"Wait" is by Sarah McLachlan.  
Thanks: To Allana my faithful beta reader! And to Beth, who is *gasp* reading my fanfic again!  
POV: Tess  
Suggested Listening: "Wait" by Sarah McLachlan.  
  
"Shattered Destiny" by Josephine  
  
Under a blackened sky  
Far beyond the glaring streetlights  
Sleeping on empty dreams  
The vultures lie in wait.  
--  
They are all waiting for me.  
  
They are waiting for me to give up, give in to this pain. It's turned into a dull ache now, tingling  
on the edge of my consciousness.  
  
I am in danger- that's the only reason they are here. Otherwise- they don't care. I can't go to the  
hospital because using human blood is too much of a liability, and it wouldn't really work  
anyway.  
  
I've been in labor for 22 hours, and I feel numb.  
  
They pretend I don't know that they want me dead. They won't let it happen, but they want me  
out of the way anyway. They can't help their hearts' secret desires. With me gone they could  
forget about destiny and live their lives they way they wanted to.  
  
Max and I married three years ago, and then I was a naive little girl and I actually believed that  
he loved me.  
  
Now three years later, I know the truth.  
  
Liz is the one who actually told me. We've become suprisingly close over the years, since  
Michael and Isabel live together in an apartment on the outskirts of town. Alex lives close by,  
but he is always out with Maria (who still lives with her mother). The two are engaged. I  
suppose Liz had no one else to turn to, so she picked me as her new best friend. Which can be  
awkward since I can tell she it still in love with max.  
  
On her son's first half birthday, Liz invited me over to her condo. Max and I had been married  
for about a year and eight months at the time. While Caleb napped, Liz told me all about our  
senior year of high school. About how she was forced to give Max up because of what Future  
Max had told her. I didn't believe her. I honestly thought Max loved me for who I was- not  
because I was his second choice.  
  
I stormed home that day and confronted him about it. He said it couldn't possibly be true, and  
not to listen to Liz any longer.  
  
But after that things began falling apart.  
--  
You lay down beside me then  
You were with me every waking hour  
So close I could feel your breath.  
--  
Max stopped being affectionate with me unless I questioned him about it. Then for a few days it  
would be like I was the only other person in the world- the universe.  
  
But after those few days he would be cold and standoffish again. And he would stare at me,  
watching me, daring me.  
  
He would work late at the office, and leave early in the morning just to avoid my pleading face.  
  
I would spend my days cooking and cleaning- making sure everything was perfect for him.   
Four days out of the week I watched Caleb while Liz was at work. Some Fridays she was off,  
and other's he stayed with Maria.  
  
I began to notice- or perhaps realize- that Caleb definitely had Max's eyes.  
  
But I knew when things got really bad, because Kyle Valenti, the Sheriff, offered me room and  
board should "Max ever do anything to hurt you."  
  
That's when I got pregnant.  
--  
When all we wanted was the dream  
To have and hold that precious little thing  
Like every generation yields  
The newborn hope unjaded by their years.  
--  
So here I am, huddled on this bed, another contraction slamming through me. A strangled  
scream escapes my mouth. I have never experienced pain like this. Max, Michael and Isabel  
could make it easier on me, but they are afraid to come anywhere near.  
  
I'm pushing for all I'm worth, my knuckles burnt white gripped around a bundle of sheets.  
  
This was never what I envisioned when I pictured my life with Max Evans. I never thought he  
wouldn't love me, I never realized that no one really wanted me here. I am sure that they never  
pictured me when they dreamt of their futures. Everything was flowery convention all around.   
Max with Liz (the soul mates), Michael with Maria (the love-hate-but-don't-you-love-it?  
relationship), and Alex with Isabel (the more-that-best-friends). Of course it's my fault. Who  
else would have dared to break up their universe for a stupid thing like destiny?  
  
All I wanted is what every girl wants- someone to love her, take care of her. Now I hate myself  
for wanting something that I could never really have.  
  
I scream one last scream, and it is al over, I collapse onto the bed and I hear another scream, that  
of a child, before I pass out.  
--  
Pressed up against the glass  
I found myself wanting sympathy  
But to be consumed again  
Oh, I know would be the death of me.  
--  
Liz Parker is holding my daughter, and I am more jealous than I have ever been before. it's not  
enough that she hold's my husbands *love*- but she carries my child as well.  
  
I lay here motionless, too exhausted to move. I wish someone would come to me, smile and say  
that everything will be fine. They will tell me that of course Max loves you, it's just a fluke, dear.   
Caleb looks *nothing* like your husband- your eyes are playing tricks on you again, dear.   
Destiny is the best way of doing things, everyone knows that, Tessie.  
  
I realize that the person is all in my head- a figment of my desperate imagination. It seems as if  
my whole existence has been the same.  
  
I want to cry.  
--  
And there is a love that's inherently given  
A kind of blindness offered to deceive  
And in that light of forbidden joy  
Oh I know I won't receive it.  
--  
I cannot name this precious bundle of pink blankets and blond fuzz. her brown eyes are closed  
now, but I can still see them peering up at me, as thought I can hear her tiny voice saying please,  
mother. I wish this were a real family.  
  
I wish this too, I tell her in return.  
  
I should be happy... and yet I cannot find the strength to even smile. Max will not look at her,  
the baby I hold in my arms. I know what he is thinking. Everything in permanent now- he has a  
child, and he would never sacrifice his baby for his happiness.  
  
In a way I wish he would. Then I wouldn't have to be so disappointed later.  
--  
You know if I leave you now  
It doesn't mean that I love you any less  
it's just his state I'm in  
I can't be good to anyone else like this.  
--  
I write the note in my shaky handwriting. Tears struggle to emancipate themselves from behind  
me ever but I refuse to let them. Instead, I concentrate on breathing.  
  
I'm sorry, I write. I know everything, and I can't stay here with you any longer. I can walk away  
now and leave you to your life. Live it any way you like.  
  
I am leaving the baby on Liz Parker's doorstep, no matter how cliché it sounds. my girl should  
really be her's. I'm sorry that I will never get to be a mother to my first daughter, but I know that  
it's the right thing to do.  
  
I run.  
--  
When all we wanted was the dream  
To have and to hold that precious little thing  
Like every generation yields  
The newborn hope unjaded by their years.  
--  
The Sheriff opened the door, suprised to see me on the other side.  
  
"You said I could stay here..." I whisper, the tears pushing ever harder.  
  
"That I did."  
--  
The End  
--  



End file.
